i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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