dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
