You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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