the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's Friday. Sex?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
