U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
