I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
