Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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