Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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