Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
