I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
