I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
