i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
