I think my fart just growled at me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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