My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
