Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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