WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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