and you said cock pushups were impossible
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
