i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
