Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and she was petting her beer can
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
