It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
