So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
