my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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