I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
