I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
