i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
