Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize