Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
