And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You dont lie about slip and slides
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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