So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
