She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
