new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
