She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
