So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
