how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
