i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
