he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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