New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
