But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
