where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
