Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
