Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
