Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
