im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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