Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You made out with two different species that night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize