you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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