I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
