woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ok first of all what the fuck
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
