yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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