nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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