No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
