you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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