My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
