i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
