You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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