5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
