Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize