When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
