and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
