but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
