Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
