Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize