And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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