During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
