The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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