I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
