I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
