I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
