I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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