I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
