Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We just shotgunned beers for America
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
