fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
