I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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