I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
