who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
