Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
