im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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