you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
