I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
