apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
