sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize