he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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