You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
