Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
