And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize