Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
