You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
