Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize