so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
