didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
