You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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