i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
