Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
