4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
