I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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