i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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