Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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