420 ftw
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
