if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
