As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize