i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
