I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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