So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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