the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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