So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize